Related Sections: Future Tech Video
Shape-changing blob cures loneliness, apparently
Funktionide Part II from eltopo on Vimeo.
Paul meet Funktionide. Funktionide, this is Paul. Funktionide is a blob that shape shifts thanks to the powers of electroactive polymers — that is, plastics that change shape when an electric current is applied. The concept's creator, Stefan Ulrich, believes that Funktionide could be the answer to loneliness* in the future. As for me, well, I'm looking forward to the blockbuster movie in which Paul and Funktionide fall deeply and plushily in lurrrrve. Let's take a look at the script, shall we?
*Get a pet. Or a gimp.
Scene 1: New York, circa 2020.
Paul, a 30-something tech blogger who lives alone is walking along a deserted street somewhere in Manhattan Yonkers Little Russia Brooklyn Queens. He is talking quietly into his cellphone.
Paul: 'Kay. 'Kay. Found it. See you in a sec.
He stops at a shopfront doorway and, after taking a surreptitious look over his shoulder, slips inside, closing the door softly behind him.
Interior of a bar filled with tables and chairs, and lined with banquettes. The joint is bursting at the seams with mixed-race couples — white blobs and humans. There is no noise but soft mood music and a strange, synchronised snoring sound. This is the sound of scores of contented blobs, as their partners caress the blob's matt white "skin," or other intimate gestures. Behind the bar stands a white blob, polishing a glass.
Blobman: What can I get you?
Paul: Snowball, please.
As the blobman busies himself with Paul's request, Paul turns away from the bar and surveys the scene. Everywhere are couples. He is obviously looking for someone in particular, but doesn't seem to be having much luck. The blobman interrupts him with a tap on the shoulder.
Blobman: Your drink, sir. That'll be twelve bucks, please.
Paul: Thanks [he peels off $15] Keep the change.
Close-up of Paul. Although poker-faced, there is a mixture of hope and anxiety, disappointment, cynicism, hunger, fear, vegetarianism and bruxism etched on his face. Not to mention anticipation.
Suddenly we hear a voice. Breathy, confident yet nervous, sexy yet childlike, it whispers in Paul's ear. Camera pans back to see white blob, larger than all the others in the bar, up close and personal with our blogging hero.
Large Blob: Paul? Is that really you? It's me — Candida.
Large smile spreads across Paul's face. Fade.
Via Dezeen
By maran at 7:15 AM ON 10/06/09
Bah, the only usefull use of this technology would be on th inside of a Lovedoll or Fleshlight...
By Dan at 9:42 AM ON 10/06/09
Does it grow boobs?
By Vanir at 9:52 AM ON 10/06/09
Shrink it, give it fur and call it a Tribble. Trekkies will buy anything.
On the other hand, maran above had a pretty good idea for pretty much the same market...:D
By MM at 10:12 AM ON 10/06/09
Jesus. Thanks for the nightmares.
By Mr. Gumsandals at 10:21 AM ON 10/06/09
doesn't know whether to laugh or cry.
By ghengisbob at 11:12 AM ON 10/06/09
This has a very William S. Burroughs quality to it- and not in a good way.
By Coach Culbertson at 12:10 PM ON 10/06/09
Super creepy.
By tigglet at 12:23 PM ON 10/06/09
i just know someones going to take this idea and turn it into a sex toy. the dawn of sex androids is started
By pakodoom at 12:23 PM ON 10/06/09
i can't wait to see it star in a movie adaptation of A Boy and His Blob.
but i've got a problem with it. this is just a series of images taken with a lumpy pillow-thing and photoshopped or whathaveyou to give it the illusion of movement. why are we talking about this thing and being impressed when it's NOT real at all. i'm tired of concepts that never really see the light of day. give me something real.
By VS Dude at 1:03 PM ON 10/06/09
If the human race ever gets this lonely, we deserve whatever happens to us in the Rise of The Machines...
By LeonKaiser at 5:15 PM ON 10/06/09
Wow..that's...really..really..really..creepy. Don't get me wrong, nothing with with ingenuity or anything to that effect but..I just watched that whole video and he's SPOONING with the bloody thing.
*Shudder*
By What_the at 10:27 PM ON 10/06/09
Umm, so what happens when it hatches?
By Sam at 11:53 PM ON 10/06/09
I can't help but think that this will cause cancer.
By montezuma at 1:16 AM ON 10/07/09
freakishly bizarre
where do you put the batteries?
By Anonymous at 11:41 AM ON 10/07/09
its a gloop, just dont give it booze
By admnaismith at 1:31 PM ON 10/07/09
Um...no. Just...no.
By Qwerty at 1:55 PM ON 10/07/09
The only way this thing might "cure" your loneliness is if you happen to be schizophrenic, or manic, or mentally retarded, or highly perverted, or..... well, obviously someone suffering from something much worse than loneliness.
By neeno at 4:54 PM ON 10/07/09
I just barfed up a triscuit.
By The Dude at 1:43 AM ON 10/08/09
Lol.
By switchblade at 3:03 AM ON 10/08/09
looks like viral marketing for "A Boy & His Blob" on Wii.
By ben at 4:54 AM ON 10/08/09
Pretty sure that video does not cure loneliness.
By RoccoSacco at 9:59 AM ON 10/08/09
I wonder if the executors for the estate of Al Capp have seen this. Can you say, "Schmoo" ?
By hazydave at 11:02 AM ON 10/08/09
Ok, today it may seem to be just a creepy companion for people unable to keep a pet or attract, say, real live human friends. But trust me, before long, this thing will have that lonely guy, Steve McQueen, and all the rest of you meddling kids trapped in a diner somewhere.
By Al at 2:32 AM ON 10/09/09
I just kept waiting for the thing to eat him and then start laughing like Audry II in Little Shop Of Horrors.
"Feed me, Seymore! Feed me now!"
By Default at 5:05 PM ON 10/09/09
Friendly like a dog, slow like a turtle, and squishy like a boob. We've hit the trifecta: a friendly squish toy that cant run away.
By hahaha at 3:26 PM ON 10/13/09
Stick to tech blogginf i dont thing screen plays are your strong suit hahaha
By Meshugganah at 8:15 PM ON 10/13/09
Yep, that's a Schmoo, all right.
What d'ya wanna bet the house specialty in that blob-bar is Kickapoo Joy Juice?
By crash at 8:47 PM ON 10/13/09
its funny, the entire video is just still images that are slowly stretched.
By Addy Dugdale at 2:42 AM ON 10/14/09
hahaha
That was the point – the screenplay was meant to be execrably atrocious. I mean, love between a blogger and a blob? Cough.
By deletia at 9:52 AM ON 10/15/09
love the way the tablar kicks in when they start to spoon.
on your cellphone!
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deletia:
love the way the tablar kicks in when they start to spoon. ...More »