Three years ago, our esteemed leader wrote about the Bowlingual dog translator on DVICE, a toy for screwy people an educational gewgaw from Takara Tomy. As the owner of a slightly nutty mutt who sometimes foxes me with his facial expressions and barks, I admit that it can be tough trying to work out what it is he wants or needs. But, hey, he's a dog and I'm a human, and that's that.

Anyway, back to the Barkulator, or whatever it's called. Ah, the Bowlingual Voice. So called because, as well as spiffy features such as an LCD screen, the ability to detect up to six dog moods, new, paw-shaped control buttons and a bunch of pre-recorded phrases to tell you just what is on Rexzilla's mind, there is also this: an answering machine.

Yes.

An.

Answering.

Machine.

Let me get this right: while you're out of the house, you switch the Bowlingual Voice to record, and it records what your dog says so that you can listen to it when you get home. Good burghers of DVICE, do you really think that there are people gullible enough to drop $213 on this crap? Next up from Tomy Takara: the Cheesedropper, for people who want to eavesdrop on their cheese.

Daily Mail