Monster Cable needs a new load of cash to put on more of its tradeshow parties featuring the likes of singer Mary J. Blige, so it's decided to gin up tiny containers of ScreenClean, five different $10 bottles of glorified Windex. Looky there! It's a special cleaner for the iPhone!

While we liked Monster's Dr. Dre Beats headphones, these five cleaners use the same con as Monster's $120 HDMI cables that you can get for $10 elsewhere: ripping off suckers who don't know any better. We've tried similar screen cleaners, and there's no difference at all between them and everyday household Windex. Buyer beware.

UPDATE: All right commenters, calm down. Here's the test I did a couple of years ago on another ripoff screen cleaner preying on people's fears called PixelClean. In a 4-step test on a non-functional LCD screen, I compared PixelClean, everyday household Windex (granted, it was ammonia-free), a microfiber cloth alone, and water, spraying the liquids on a microfiber cleaning cloth and then applying it to the display.

I saw no streaking, etching, or damage whatsoever. Have any of you kooky commenters ever done a similar test? I didn't think so. However, sorry I was unclear in the post, not mentioning that we don't really like ammonia around here and never use it for anything. -CW

Now laugh along with us as you read the company's press release:

MONSTER NOW SHIPPING ITS IMPROVED FORMULA SCREENCLEAN™ WITH ANTIBACTERIAL CLEANING CLOTH, INCLUDING BRAND NEW SPECIALLY DESIGNED VERSION FOR LAPTOPS

– Company’s Monster ScreenClean™ Line Now Includes Travel-Size Bottles for Laptop, as well as Camera/Camcorder, Cell Phone/PDA, GPS and Apple iPod®/iPhone ™ Screens –

Denver, CO Sept. 4 , 2008 – Monster, the world’s leading manufacturer of high-end cables, AV accessories, and power conditioning products, today announced it has begun shipping its new improved formula Monster ScreenClean™ products. The full line now features the latest entry to the ScreenClean family – Monster ScreenClean for Laptop in a smaller-sized bottle designed to fit easily into laptop bags, with super-fine mist specially engineered not to drip.

All ScreenClean products safely and easily clean touch screens without scratching, and all feature antibacterial cleaning cloths enhanced with AEGIS Micro Shield® Technology to not only polish touch screens to crystal clarity but also control potentially harmful bacteria and other micro-organisms. In addition, the powerful new ScreenClean specialized formula cleaning solution removes grubby fingerprints without streaking and comes in convenient travel-sized portable bottles that fit easily into pockets or small bags. Monster is debuting five new ScreenClean products for use with portable electronics devices including the new laptop version, as well as versions for camera/camcorders, cell phones/PDAs, GPS devices and Apple iPod®/iPhones™.

According to Jim Krueger, AEGIS COO: “Monster ScreenClean products were developed with careful consideration of the growing problem posed by disease-causing agents that are prone to exist on portable electronic devices, where the heat-rich environment and constant human handling can create optimum conditions for contamination. Monster’s research in this area has led to the incorporation of the AEGIS Microbe Shield in its ScreenClean products. The AEGIS Microbe Shield technology is used to protect a variety of surfaces in major hospitals and in sports bags. Monster ScreenClean with AEGIS technology permanently bonds to the surface of the cleaning cloth and inhibits the growth of micro organisms, effectively controlling a broad spectrum of bacteria, fungi, mold, mildew, yeast and other one-celled organisms.”

Said Noel Lee, The Head Monster: “Touch screens have become an integral part of our experience with so many of our portable devices, and maintaining a germ, dirt, dust, and fingerprint-free screen is essential to the safe enjoyment and utility of laptops, digital cameras, cell phones, GPSs, Apple iPods, iPhones and other products. The new Monster ScreenClean products expand on our existing lineup of ScreenClean for use with large-screen TVs and other display devices with new technologies engineered specifically for the portable electronics user.”

Recyclable “Green” Packaging

As part of Monster’s effort to do its part in protecting the environment, the new Monster ScreenClean portable products will come packaged in fully recyclable “green” packaging.

The new line of Monster ScreenClean products are currently available in the following configurations: Monster ScreenClean for Laptop, Camera and Camcorder, Monster ScreenClean for Cell Phone/PDS, Monster ScreenClean for GPS devices and Monster iClean™ for iPhone and iPod.

Via CrunchGear