Classifieds ads for gadgets hold a special place in our ADD-addled minds. We've all seen them, usually in the back pages of the tech or business magazine left behind by the last guy who had the same seat on a commuter flight, and forgotten them the moment we stepped off the plane. That is, until we saw them again in another magazine. Like their big glossy brothers in the front of the mag, the classified ads force us to reckon with a commodity that we suddenly covet. But whereas the full-page spreads for the new iPod nano or Adidas basketball shoes remind us of familiar items, the tiny listings in the back of the book introduce us to new, fantastic, and downright odd products — too niche for mass consumption, but either expensive enough or sufficiently impulse-buy-warranting to earn a spot in the classifieds. Here, then, are the items from the classified ads we can't help but to pay attention to.

 

For anyone who begrudges the 15 minutes or so spent doing something besides staring at a computer or TV screen comes this dressed-up closed-circuit camera. Ostensibly a device to aid the sight-impaired (read: the old folks), the Video Eye magnifies whatever's in front of you — your Dan Brown novel, your knitting, your navel — by taking video of it and replaying it on the included display. (Choices for monitors range from a 19-inch LCD to a 27-inch Sony Wega.) The standard model has just one magnification setting, but the fancy Powerzoom allows for a smooth continuous zoom from 2X to 100X and comes with a few features, like converting black on white to white on black and rendering color images into B&W. Price: $2,395 to $3,895

 

 

Another PC Magazine item, the BumbleBee Handheld Spectrum Analyzer is far too techie a piece of equipment for the average guy who picked up the mag for the latest reviews of color printers. Instead, this ad targets the network geniuses — installers and engineers. The device works with an HP iPaq Pocket PC to measure wireless bands, allowing it to capture and analyze RFID, VoIP, Wi-Fi, Bluetooth, cordless phones/video and other signals. Best of all, the external sensor looks like a little hat — now your iPaq is a cowboy! Price: $2,500 (doesn't include iPaq)

 

 

 

 

Fancy watches are the shiny tomatoes in most magazine's fashion advertising sandwiches, so naturally there's a bit of yummy spillover into the back-of-book classifieds. Such is the case for the so-odd-it's-cool "hands free" Abacus Watch. A little dot ("celestial orb") travels around the dial, indicating the time "within a minute or two." Tapping the watch face disturbs the flow, but the marker reverts to its appropriate position. So much for precision.
Price: $169 (Series 1); $249 (Series 2)

 

 

 

 

A portable CD player that converts CD tracks to MP3 files on the go seems unlikely to win over PC Magazine's core readership. Still, for anyone who travels without an ultralight notebook computer or simply wants to fill up flash-based digital music players without maxing out his beloved office PC's hard drive with N****s With Attitude music, the EZDigiMusic MP300 could be useful. Directions are straightforward, requiring little more than insertions of a CD and an MP3 player or a flash-memory card. Price: $199

 

 

No back-of-book classifieds section would be complete without an advertisement from a company selling a slew of out-of-this-world gizmos. Take, for instance, the ads for Information Unlimited, which sells ion guns, a plasma fire saber, lightning generators — and something labeled a "sonic nausea device." But the gadget we're hypnotically attracted to is the Proteus, which claims to aid in the enhancing of brain waves. The goggles and headphones simulate a sensory-captivation system; slips the stuff on, and you're at the mercy of the programmer-hypnotist — or, better, your subject is at the mercy of one of the 50 preloaded simulations. Okay, so we're not 100% on how this works, much less how it will "turbocharge memory, boost mental powers, and control stress" as the ad promises, but we never really believed X-Ray Specs worked, either. Price: $189.95

 

 

Another British import, T3, is to gadget guys what Revolver is to metalheads. Chock full of the latest and greatest in European, American, and Asian technology, T3 features hot-looking high-end stuff even in their back-of-book ads — like the Fatman iTube Valve Amp with Docking Station. This luscious iPod dock — yes, it's an iPod dock — marries old-school analog sound via a vacuum tube amp and two 13-watt valves with the user-friendliness of digital via your iPod and the system's remote control. Sure, it's a little pricey, but the likelihood of seeing three other people on the train going home with the same thing is highly unlikely. Price: $567

 

 

Twenty years ago, advertisements for a plastic gun that shoots fog rings would be found in the back of Amazing Spider-Man. Now that Spider-Man titles outnumber Tobey Maguire's entourage size, the plastic toys have graduated with their customers to highbrow science journals. The reality, though, is that there's little science — or even fun — involved in the New Zero Blaster. Yes, the fog rings get as big as four inches in diameter, and yes, they can sail as much as 12 feet. But unless you're aiming to drive away your friends and family with a noxious-smelling vapor or keep the tank empty of fluid and rely on the ray-gun sound effects to entertain, you're just blowing smoke. Price: $19.95

 

 

The Brits may be watching last year's Simpsons, but they're doing it with next year's technology. From the land of crooked smiles comes the "science is fun philosophisizing" Focus magazine and this High-power 100mW Laser. At 140 megawatts (peak), the green laser's output power is 100 times greater than most laser pointers; aim it into the sky and the beam will go as far as the eye can see, purportedly. And it's strong enough to pop balloons! (Balloons sold separately.) This balloon-popping prowess can be imported, even though the general British public can't buy the thing directly. Price: $519.46

 

 

Ads for this "4-wheel bike that drives like a car!" is a regular presence in magazines like Pop Sci, foisting images of a go-kart-like Frankensteinian creation upon the curious and the incredulous. These custom-made Rhoades Cars are, indeed, bikes — pedal-powered and steered via the handlebar — but they can also accommodate between two and four people (depending on model). Further pushing the limits of both "bicycle" and "for exercise," an optional motor ($1,649) and other add-ons make the thing a potential commuter vehicle, albeit one that isn't highway-legal.
Price: $1,269 (4W1P, one-passenger) to $1,972 (4W4P, four-passenger)

 

 

As seen on TV! And in the back of business magazines! It's… The LaserComb! Ending hair loss is the ultimate aim of mankind, and where potions and tonics have failed, technology will triumph. Running the device's nine lasers over your head for 10 to 15 minutes three times a week won't actually help you grow "new" hair, but after approximately eight to sixteen weeks of use, you'll experience an "improvement in the look of your hair!" Chalk it up to the nutritious properties of light and, ergo, the concentrated properties of concentrated light — nothing based on scientific fact, but legitimate-sounding all the same. Price: $545

— Matt Schneiderman