Judging from the number of dogs that try to take a chunk out of me on my morning run, not enough people are watching The Dog Whisperer on the National Geographic channel. So to you folks who can't be bothered to be home Fridays at 9 p.m. Eastern (and don't have TiVo or a cable-box DVR), I point you to this: the BowLingual dog translator. No, it doesn't change your pet's growls and yelps into actual speech, but it will do some on-the-fly bark analysis to let you know if your pal is happy, sad, frustrated, or territorial at any given time. All you have to do is attach the transmitter to your dog's collar, input its breed and other information into the handheld receiver, and you'll be able to read the furry guy's mind like a book. Well, at least like a mono-colored face on an LCD screen. And for those who just love being judged, the BowLingual will even give you an MBF (Man's Best Friend) Score to grade how good your relationship with your dog is. Of course, if you're so perplexed by your canine companion's barking and body language, maybe a cat or hamster would be more your speed, but what do I know? The BowLingual site incomprehensibly has no link to a vendor, but you should be able to find one online for less than $150. — Peter Pachal

BowLingual, via Oh Gizmo!